I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Randomize
