my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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