you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
