i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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