Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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