Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
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