I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
