wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
