I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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