Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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