He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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