..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
what day is it and did you see me today?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
