i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
