addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
