every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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