we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
