it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Randomize
