Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
