My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
All the doctor said was why
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
