Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
