my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
