...so i touched it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
