The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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