you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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