The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
