I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
