Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
