he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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