Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just googled if crying burns calories
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
