Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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