I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
