I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
