So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
