I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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