Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
