his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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