i just sent this text using only my big toe
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
