Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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