Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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