Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
