I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
