Screwed.edu
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
