i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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