hotel room ftw
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
