like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
