I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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