party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
