the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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