If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
