How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
