How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
