Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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