He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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