i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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