Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
