im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I fill condoms, not promises.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
