my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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